Nicole vs. Life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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