i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
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