I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
