Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dear god my vagina.
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