dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
