There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
