I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
