I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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