I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
