just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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