we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there's paper in my vomit.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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