Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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