I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
