it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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