If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All the doctor said was why
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
