I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
