dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
