We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
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college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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