Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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