just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
