dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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