my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My life is pants optional.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
