Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
