she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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