So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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