Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize