I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
