Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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