I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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