it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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