Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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