Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
40s are totally the cure
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
