Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
