Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
