He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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