Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
