do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
