Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
