Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sober January is a disaster.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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