shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
