just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
