i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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