yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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