I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
