She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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