Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
