That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
