took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize