Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize