I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
