Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
MIDGETS
????
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
