He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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