recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Blood and glitter go together right?
This baby is an asshole
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
