I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
