Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
