friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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