I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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