It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
