Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
