my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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