it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
